First Draft

I was quite happy with the first draft of my script however there were obviously things that needed to be improved.

I needed to portray the time/date/year more effecitvly. I had showed a clock on the wall with the time on it however i really needed to find away to show the date.

I though that i needed to show that she didnt care about her bills, therefore showing she really doesnt care about herself let alone anything else. I had showed this already by having her electric shut off however i decided it would be better if i could reinforce this maybe by having unpaid bills underneath her ashtray.

I also want the script to have a more voyeristic effect. I think the best way for me to achive this was to introduce the male character.